Friday, April 22, 2016

I'm Ready

Every now and then I find myself on you tube watching audition videos for X Factor and America's Got Talent.

I don't normally watch the shows

and I really hate the hamming up of people's back story

I hate the exploitation of vulnerable, innocent kids by the brilliantly talented producers, editors and researchers.

But still I find myself searching for auditions.

And there's a certain few I'll always end up going for.

There's James Arthur


Matt Cardle


and even little Jai Waetford


my favourite is Lukas McFarlane



Yeah the shows are awful and the judges reactions are so staged but I'm still drawn back to watch these over and over again.

and I know why

It's not that I care whether these people go on to have great careers or not
I don't care how they did in the tv show really - Although I think they all won

but it's about the statement they're making, whether they knew it at the time or not.

It's about an individual standing up and saying

I'm Ready

I know who I am and you mightn't believe me or you mightn't even agree with me but I know
and I'm ready

Ready to give it what I've got and see what I get back

For me that's inspiring

I've always loved when people are open and exposed

The risk of people laughing at you or telling your your dreams suck and you don't have the talent to make them come true anyway

That's the most compelling thing in the world for me.

It's almost like putting all your money on one horse to win

with one small difference

you're betting on yourself

Betting that you're good enough

or even that if you're not

that you're strong enough to deal with it.

So that's why I'm drawn to those videos and why they make me cry every time.


The other thing I find exciting is that it's cyclical for me. I don't watch audition videos every day, or every month or even every year.

Sometimes months will go buy and then I'll just get a feeling that I want to watch James Arthur - Well actually I never remember any of the names so I end up trawling through X Factor videos trying to jog my memory.

I can never really tell what's driven me to go looking. But on reflection there are some common threads.

Normally I either can't sleep or I've had a bad nights sleep
It's normally at the end of a really busy time for me when I've been running just to stand still
I've usually been quite frustrated and tense but for no reason
and I've been neglecting the important things

and the final common thread is that it's normally right before my energy comes flooding back.
My dreams come into focus
I know what I can do and I know that I have the ones I need around me.
My brain starts spinning
Ideas flow
Work becomes clearer
Ambition grows
and magical things happen.

I also tend to write rambling and odd blog posts

Anyway

This morning I found myself watching X Factor Auditions while my eyes welled up with tears.

I'm Ready